Welcome to the She Who Leads podcast. I'm your host Marit, a somatic coach for women ready to design and create lives, careers, and relationships, and businesses that they love.
My intention with this podcast is to share insights and tools with you to embody your future self now and to come fully alive. Because it is then that you can consciously lead and elevate your life in a way that actually feels good and energizing and nourishing instead of overwhelming and draining. My intention is for you to walk down a different paradigm for a moment because that's really all it takes. One energetic shift, one new insight that lasts, maybe only a second, but can elevate the course of your life.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to give us a follow to write a short review, and to share this episode with a friend who might need to hear this as well. And whenever you're ready, I invite you to come join us in our bi-monthly She Who leads Virtual Circle to check in with yourself and to casually connect with other women leaders who are also carving their own path. Now onto the episode.
Today, I am gonna jump in with the topic that I'm pretty sure you'll recognize. I picked the topics of these podcast episodes based on what I see being alive in my clients and people in my life, and also in myself. So I'm pretty sure that we're not the only one. And today I wanna talk about what happens when we work really hard on ourselves or really hard on something.
But the world just is not delivering on what we desire. It's not delivering on the hard work that we are doing. And, that's really when those thoughts come up of why can't I just be this or that? Why doesn't life just give me that already? It would really help me to be my best self to thrive. Why can't I just get it?
Because it will help me to have the impact I'm here to have. Why is my life still like this? Right? Um, or thoughts like, why am I still alone? Why am I still not successful? Why am I still not fulfilled or healthy or social enough? And, why I wanna talk about that today is that this energy of disappointment is a really big blockage.
Blockage for many of us to create the life that we want to consciously lead our lives or behavior ourselves in a way that we get to where we desire to go, while also having a good time along the way. Because we're, if you're currently in a state of disappointment, of why has this not shown up for me yet, you are not fully enjoying and living your life today.
So, in the last episode, episode two of this podcast, we explore the liminal space, which is the space that you enter when you kind of leave who you were. You're not anymore who you were, but you also have not arrived at the next level yet, you also not fully embodying and being the next level of yourself. So that also means that usually life doesn't look yet the way that you want it to look because you're not being the person yet who leads and lives that life.
So that's also something to really realize with conscious creating the life that you want. It's that you need to change first and shift first in who you are being, and then your reality will change. Then what you desire will show up in a usually very easeful way. So let's talk a little bit more about that disappointment and self-judgment that comes up when life does, life doesn't deliver on our actions.
And I wanna connect that to the law of detachment because there is a great balance that we need to practice of. On one side, really having a huge desire to create something new, to really have that big desire and to believe in it and be excited for it, but also not to hook on it that much, to hook our happiness on that, that much that we forget and don't have the perspective to enjoy life as it is today.
So, let's get started with a truth. This is a confronting truth. Um, this always makes me very uncomfortable, but it's very important to really look at this together. So what you can do is really bring to mind that one thing that you really desire to experience in life. One thing that you're so ready to be, to live, to experience, and this is a future vision that you have for yourself, and that your soul is telling you like, wow, if you could live that, if you could experience that, you will reach a level of fulfillment, of being healed, of having impact that would really support you in being the best version of yourself, living the best life that you could ever live.
All right? If you have that in mind. I'm gonna tell you that this future vision might happen, but it also might not happen. And this is very confronting for many of my clients because they come to me with usually very clear visions of, okay, this is where I wanna go, um, and this is what I want to create an experience.
And then it's my job to tell them, all right, we are going to do everything we can for you to become the person who creates and lives that future, right? You first change on the inside so that your reality can change with you. And then, to support them in mastering the law of detachment, we go deep into, and this might not happen.
This vision of you being that successful entrepreneur, that vision of you being a mother, that vision of you being in this kind of conscious, open relationship, or that vision of you owning that home or living in this kind of place, it really might not happen. We are not in control of that. At the same time, I always try to stress that something will happen in the future.
And you will be very, very happy with that too, if you allow it. If you allow that to fulfill you too, it will. So at the end of this episode, I will give you a very powerful practice to support yourself in letting go of the attachment to one certain vision that you feel this needs to happen or I will not be fulfilled, right?
I will give you a practice for you to still want the vision and desire it, but not to be so attached to it. But first, I wanna explore the law of detachment a little bit more with you because I feel it's something that's quite misunderstood. Um, while it's so empowering for ourselves if we know what it is exactly, but also how to master it.
So, the law of detachment is a principle that reminds us of the importance of letting go of attachment to certain outcomes. It means not being overly dependent on things in the future that may happen, but also may not happen. It means not hooking your worth and your success to external circumstances. It also means not depending your sense of fulfillment and wholeness to say a relationship, or it means not having.
It also means not hooking your experience of abundance and wealth to how much money comes in every month or to how, how much is in your bank account or that you own, for example, real estate. We can go even deeper with the law of detachment. It also means not being attached to the vision of being a certain person that you may never be or to behave in a certain way, that you have these habits that you eat healthy every day, that you're super social, um, that you're available to everyone all the time.
So, the vision of being that person that works out all the time, that meditates daily, that is nice and open and energized. Right? And love attachment really reminds us to not clinch to these visions, to be open to those visions, to take those visions of signs of, Ooh, this is something that I actually really desire in my life.
So let's work towards that. Let's create space for that to actually arise and to become the person that would lead a life like that. And at the same time, not hooking your worth, your happiness, your fulfillment, your experience of abundance and freedom to something that might or may not happen in the future.
And I love what Gita said. The quote is, you own nothing and nothing owns you. Right? You own nothing and nothing owns you. And this really - You own nothing. It really talks about people, but also things and also desires and dreams, right? Don't allow that dream to own You. Don't allow that dream to own You.
And law of detachment does not say to let go of these desires, and this is where that balance comes in because it's so good and healthy to have big aspirations, to believe in your big dreams, to want to expand in your life. That's human. That's how we're wired. We're wired to want expansion. And we're wired for growth and the sense of growth of expansion also fulfills us.
So it's really important to not think that detaching from a desire means that you give up on your growth, right? So it allowed our desires to be a motivator, to be a fire, to heal, to move, to experiment, and to rise higher and higher into the vision that you desire or something better, right? And also the law of detachment is about reminding ourselves that true fulfillment, true inner peace, wholeness, and self-worth, does not depend on external possessions or potential future experiences and circumstances.
So don't lose faith or believe in your vision or dream, but this is really about letting go of the fear of it not happening. And when you let go of that fear, you really create space in your life and in your inner world to experience emotions that actually feel good now. Right? Fear doesn't feel good, but really creating the space to receive all that is already so good in your life right now.
And the ironic thing is that when you start to receive the goodness in your life already today, your inner energy shifts, your vibration shifts, and you already become more, the person and experience, the life that you desire to live in the future. And once you raise your vibration in that way, life is going to respond differently to you.
Life is going to give you more of what you want because when you're more open, when you're more excited, when you're more in tune with yourself and your intuition and you take action from a confident and courageous place, life is going to deliver different things to you as well. So, and again, that may or may not be exactly the thing that you think you want, that you at this moment feel, okay, this is what I need and want in my life to feel so good and like I'm living a fulfilling life.
And at the same time as you master the law of detachment, you're also open to allowing life to bring you surprises, to surprise you with things and people and job opportunities that you at this moment can't even think up.
You can't even imagine them yet because your mind can only give you visions based on past experiences, of what you've learned is possible for you. And there are things that you have never even thought of are possible for you because that is just not in your capability yet. So, law of detachment helps you to open up to the surprises of life, to experience and to receive better things that you can't even imagine right now.
So what I wanna give you next is what I call the detachment test. So, and I mentioned this a few times, is the uncomfortable truth that that future vision you have for yourself may or may not happen. So to kind of test if there is fear in the way, is to take a moment for yourself in a quiet space and tune into that desire, that vision that you have, and then bring up the thought, the question, what if this does not happen for me?
What if this vision doesn't come to life? And just notice and be aware of what is triggered in your body in that moment. And for most of us, it's gonna be very uncomfortable, very fearful, because that's how our ego, mind, and our nervous system works, right? They like to have a plan. They like to hook ourselves to, okay, this is where we're going and this is what is going to give me to allow your body to get uncomfortable.
And then as you allow that wave of discomfort to move through you, it will - it will loosen at some point. Then move to the next question, which is, what is an alternative reality that I could be happy living? What else might I be very happy with? If for example, that relationship doesn't happen, if I never live in a home like that, if I'm not that successful person in the way that I think it might happen, how else might I be fulfilled? And what else would feel like, wow, I'm living a good life.
And for me, the vision that always comes up is, for me living in a very cheap environment, on a very humble farm, creating my own crops, and really having a simple life. And when I tune into that, I feel, Wow! I could be so happy there. If I just have some community around nature, around connection to my core people.
This seems like I could be really happy there. Right? And by allowing that vision to also be in my future vision, my future plan, it helps me to still have the drive for what I now have in my mind that I want and desire for myself to experience. And at the same time, I allow myself for life to surprise me because I know that there are different future, different versions of my futures that I will be so happy to live.
And this is a practice to really do, as much as you need, until that fear doesn't arise anymore. When you tune into that future vision you have for yourself now. When you tune into that and fear keeps arising, that means that you are still attached to that certain outcome. So that is the detachment test, right?
So do this as often as you need, to tune into your one desire that you have now, and then move through the discomfort and get to what other realities would I love to live. I would really be fulfilled with living this, this future reality as well. And by doing this, you start to really move through life more from a place of trust and openness instead of fear and control.
And this is what I often share with my clients when our minds get in the way of trying to control the whole road to where we wanna go, right? It's really getting stuck on the how. I remind them that we can ever only know two things. Yeah, we can only know how we desire to feel in the future, right?
We never know what exactly is gonna happen in the future, but we can really imagine how we desire to feel in our life and in our body, and in our life experience, and we know our next best step to expand that feeling. We know our next best step to expand the feeling of, for example, feeling free, feeling loved, feeling worthy, feeling wealthy, right? There's always an opportunity in your life right now to expand the energy of love, of wealth, or excitement, or freedom.
So while we can never know the whole highway towards our destination, you know your destination of how you desire to feel. And you can always shine a light on your next best step. So again, non-attachment really emphasizes the freedom and liberation that arises when we release the grip of an expected outcome. And this doesn't mean that you don't care or are indifferent about your desires and goal. It actually means that you're so excited about them, that you allow it to fuel and motivate you to take aligned action towards them.
Well, at the same time, you really practice embracing the impermanence of life, and the present moment, from a sense of gratitude and openness and fully receiving the goodness that is in your life right now. And by letting go of attachment to a specific outcome, you also stop hooking your level of happiness, worth, and wealth to something that may or may not happen in the future.
And the ironic thing here is that often when you let go of the fear, of something not happen because when you detach of a certain outcome, you let go of the fear of it not happening, it often manifests, or something even better. So, my invitation for you today is to do the detachment test that I shared with you earlier, and really to explore this balancing act between actively pursuing your future desire and really being so excited for its unfolding.
While remaining detached from a specific outcome, so you can still engage with your life today and be open at the same time of allowing life to unfold however it wants to unfold for you, and to fully receive it with an open mind and an open heart so you can start to have the time of your life now and not later when that one thing that you desire to happen may happen or may not happen.
But then you don't care that much anymore, whether it shows up or doesn't show up because life already feels so good to you right now, while you trust that whatever life has in store for you, as long as you keep taking those aligned actions to your desire while fully engaging in your life today and receiving whatever comes your way.
Because remember that very often when we don't receive and get what we desire and what we want, we are actually getting exactly what we need to first do the inner work that is required to become the person who creates and leads your big vision. And once you start to truly embody that energy, embody the energy of what it is that you desire, that's when the world starts to deliver.
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